ok, i'm been saving as much as possible. i'm also trying to pay off my credit card debt. unfortionitly, i've had a lot of car problems that has run up my bill. i cant afford a new car, so i just have to deal it the repairs. i only work part time because i'm trying to finish up school. but i'm still working 30 hours a week and taking 8 credit hours as well. on top of it all, i'm getting married may of 09. my fiance and i really need to find a place. we're both living with our moms for now to save money. renting in this area is not worth it. efficancy/ 1bed start at 1300. we've been looking at foreclosures because its the only thing we can really afford.
but every time i bring it up my mom just gets pissy saying we need to pay for the wedding before we worry about a place to live. i say we need a place to live before we worry about getting married. i know the wedding is going to cost about $8K.... she has over $5K of my money that she's been taking out over the course of 3 years from my checking account. its her version of rent. yet she refuses to give it to us, she says its our wedding present. we need it for a down payment, or at least to go towards the wedding itself! she has no idea what things cost anymore. she thought the entire wedding would cost less than $10K, yet she keeps adding guests and limos and all sorts of stuff. shes paying the first $10K, everything else is up to us, yet she's added over 30 guests from her own personal list, and since she's giving us money i cant complain (tho i've had to cut out many from my fathers side of the family because of it). she thinks that a townhouse is $200K, or we can get a SFH for about the same. i work in a realestate office so i know whats around. she wont listen tho.
i'm going crazy and getting stressed with it all. i'm saving as much as i can, but i dont see anything happening. Your problems in order of importance.
(1) Credit card debt. (2) House downpayment (3) Wedding.
Tell your mother you appreciate her input, but it's your wedding, and you'll plan it.
How dare she monopolise your big day? It's YOUR wedding, not hers. If she wants a flash wedding with limos and extra guests of her choice, let her find a bloke and marry him herself. If she tries to use the money as a bargaining chip, just tell her you don't need the money. If she really cared about you, and not herself, she'd be doing everything she could to make it what YOU wanted, not what she wants. All you need is your man, a couple of witnesses, and a celebrant. If she kicks up a fuss, tell her she's not invited, and stick to your guns. Nobody should be able to manipulate you like that, not even your mother. That's why you need to get out of her house.
Put off buying a house for a while, and perhaps even the wedding. You need to get your finances in order before you do anything, because it's going to be fantastic when you start married life without credit card debt. Put up with living at home with your mother, and tell her the wedding is off the agenda. YOU will plan your wedding at your convenience. If you seriously can't handle her, consider living in a caravan or 'trailer'. It's not very glamorous, but it's dirt cheap. I've done it when I was in high school, and I suffered no ill effects. Could you live with your fiance's Mum and pay her some rent money? She may appreciate it, and it might help your situation with your mother. Getting some space might be a good idea.
Keep repairing the car. Maintain it yourself by checking oil, water, spark plugs, and filters. Keep the tyres at the highest safe psi. That will make for a rougher ride, but it will cut down your fuel bill over time. I drive a crappy car and I know what it's like, but if you're careful, and don't drive more than necessary, and keep it in good nick, it'll help. Sure, they guzzle the petrol, but have you considered car pooling to work? I do. It saves me a little bit on what I'd spend on fuel otherwise, because my colleague pays me to drive her. She's got no car or licence, and there's limited public transport, so I'm her best option.
The system in place with your mother taking the money from your chequing account works out at about $32 a week rent. That's pretty good. I would forget the 5 grand and start your own house deposit from scratch. However, your main priority right now is the credit card bills.
First of all, you need to get the credit cards under control. They are eating money you would otherwise be spending on your house or your wedding. I suggest you pay the highest interest rate card off first, and the minimum repayments on the others. When the highest interest rate card is paid off, move your efforts to the second highest interest rate card, and so on, until they are all paid off. This will save you the most money.
Forget the wedding and the house until the cards are paid off. They are sabotaging your happiness and making it harder for you to get the things you want. Get rid of them. That is your sole purpose in life until they are gone.
When you're debt free (YIPPEE) move the money you're tipping onto the debts into a savings account. Forget the 5 grand your mother has. If she wants to manipulate you, forget her. That money is her power over you. She is trying to hold on to the parent-child relationship by making you dependent on her, instead of having an adult-adult relationship with you, now that you're grown up. She is trying to use you to fulfill needs of her own, which she should be addressing in other ways. You are an adult, and you don't need anyone but yourself, and especially not your mother's money.
The bank account you choose should probably be a passbook account or an online account that gets good interest, hopefully above 5%. You must not touch this money. This is going to be called "My House Deposit Money", so you must not use it for anything contrary to the label. Paying off the debts should get you used to living on a shoestring, so tip as much into this account as you can. I suggest going to your employer and having them put at least 10% of your income into this account. The best part of saving your own money is that when you apply for the loan, you have a savings history. If you've been naughty with credit cards and other bills, this can offset a bad credit history by proving to lending institutions that you are a good saver. The money held by your mother won't have the same effect.
When school is up I suggest you look for a second job, or a better, higher paid job to replace your current job. Even pizza delivery, cleaning work, or a nasty food retail job will help. You need to make some more dollars if you want to kickstart your financial success. The bigger the deposit you can save, the better. I had a HUGE deposit when I bought my house (I'm an Aussie, and interest rates are going through the roof here -- 8.5%!) and it's saved us thousands of dollars in interest on the loan. We bought an appropriate house -- cheap for what we probably could have got, I guess, but not too cheap and run down. It's 30 years old and needs some work, but nothing we couldn't do ourselves. By saving a huge deposit, and only borrowing what we could afford to repay (after calculating interest rates on repayments to 17%, god forbid they ever get there) we are now paying only $20 a week more than what our house would actually rent for. So effectively, $20 a week on our minimum repayments is buying us a house. We're currently paying double the minimum repayments, because we want to own the house outright in 5 years and use the equity in it to buy a better house, and rent out this one. We have a plan.
Do not save for the deposit til the credit card debt is gone. That will sabotage your success. Only when you are debt free can your money be saved and invested in a higher interest rate account (or Term Deposit, or mutual fund) to earn you money. If your partner keeps his current arrangement by living at home, you will easily be able to save a decent house deposit in a few months.
Forget looking for a house now. Just keep an eye on the housing market, and try to get a feel for what is a good price for a house. That way, when you are ready to buy, you'll know whether it's a good deal, and you'll be able to talk them down in price because (1) it needs perhaps a few minor renovations or (2) My all time favourite "I'm sorry, but we just can't go any higher. We're at our borrowing limit, you know. We're only on minimum wage. I guess we'll just have to miss out on this house that you're desperate to sell after 4 months because we're too poor." Worked for me. Never tell the vendor about your finances. They only need to know how much you WANT to spend, or they'll use it against you.
So, get rid of the cards. Save a house deposit. Now, when you buy a house, I suggest you get one with 3 bedrooms, because then you'll be able to kickstart your WEDDING PLAN by getting a renter into your home. Yeah, it might not be as much fun when you can't walk around your house naked or leave your underwear in the kitchen, but if you're paying off a mortgage (with a REDRAW facility! I'll explain further on) an extra $100 a week plus expenses is going to reduce the amount you have to pay on utilities, and also help you save interest on your home loan. Be prepared to do it a bit tough now, and you'll have the wedding you always wanted, and financial security.
Get a homeloan with a redraw facility. This means you can redraw extra money that you have put into the loan. The extra money is keeping the interest down on your loan, meaning you'll pay it off faster and for less money in total and you have access to the money, with some associated fees and charges, when you want a nice wedding. I have friends who are saving for their wedding (8/3/08!) by doing this. They have enough in the redraw currently for them not to need to make a repayment til 2012.
Forget the wedding til you've bought the house. Then plan the wedding yourself. If your mother wants to give you the $5000, let her. If she doesn't, it's not a problem.
Make a shortlist of guests that YOU want. Don't worry about not inviting people. They will understand that you are just starting out and want a small wedding. It's your big day, and you have the final say.
You need to get rid of the debt and then buy the house, and then get married, IN THAT ORDER. If you get married first, you are going to be behind the 8 ball when you try to get a house. However, once you have the house (and a boarder or renter) you will have more cash flow, and an asset which will increase in value over time. That means that you will start married life financially stable, which will set you up for life. Please reconsider the wedding date. I know your heart is set on it, but if you rearrange things and buy the house first, you'll be better off financially. Also, you'll probably be more likely to be able to take advantage of foreclosures in that position.
I'm not married. I've been with my partner almost 6 years, and we bought a house a year ago after living together for 4.5 years. Buying the house was the best thing we ever did, because if we ever did want a wedding, or a big trip, we can use the savings to our advantage. We will consider getting a boarder soon (we currently have a friend staying here rent free) because I'm keen to pay off the house in 5 years. I am secure because I can't be evicted by a landlord, and I have equity in my ho Put into black and white what the wedding is costing. Tell her you need to cut expenses. Period. Otherwise, consider eloping.
Put into black and white what you are paying her for "rent" and consider what you and your fiance can afford.
You work in real estate, so get a list together of what is out there and how much it is. Then you and your mom will have a better idea of what is "really" available and for how much.
Ask your mom what guests have to be invited. If they are not family or very close friends, you would have to consider eliminating them from the list. go get a license for the city.
get married by justice of peace.
live together and RENT not buy for 12-18months.
DO NOT BUY ahouse 1st yr - u need to figure out how close to live to mom and mom-in-laws.
visit dave ramsey.com to learn ur hard lessons b4 ur divorce.
u both need marriage and financial counseling b4 marriage.
if combined income can not afford 1300 month u definitely don't want to buy. Your mother's opinions are no longer the primary ones that count in your life. You and your hubby-to-be will soon be building a new life for yourselves, and not everyone in your family may approve of all your decisions. Too bad for them; it's your life, and parents can give advice, but they have to respect your right to make your own way and live your own life.
Do what you and your fiance want to do, regardless of what your mother's opinion is. I'll tell you what, you do NOT want to start off your married life still living with any of your parents. Newlyweds don't need the complication of having other people butting in every day as they are learning to adjust to life together. Maybe your mom is having a hard time letting go, and that's part of the reason why she's acting the way she is.
Have you considered moving to a different area where the cost of living would be cheaper?
Also, it sounds like you need to take back the reins of your wedding. It can keep expanding as you let it; there is always someone more to invite or something else to add, and you have to draw the line somewhere.
The marriage itself is far more important than the wedding. It's unwise to cripple your future under a huge debt load from the start if you can avoid it.
A reality t.v. show I like to watch is "Till Debt Do Us Part," where married couples in debt deal with their troubled finances with the help of the host & financial counselor, Gail Vaz-Oxlade. Watching this show would be a good springboard for discussion about money for you and your fiance; plus it's very interesting to get a "behind the scenes" look at how various other couples handle their money.
http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ShowsPage.aspx...
A helpful book for the two of you is "Debt-Proof Your Marriage" by Mary Hunt.
http://www.debtproofliving.com/
Another good money site to know:
http://www.bankrate.com/
This site has nothing to do with money, but I sure wish I'd known back when I first got married what this author teaches regarding the marriage relationship. Of course, maybe I wasn't ready to learn it at that time. But if I can save you any stress and strife, please check out this site, and check the author's books out from your local library:
http://www.loveandrespect.com/ |
