Husband wants to give $ to cousins?

My husband (an only child),via subtle guilt tripping from his Mom,feels obligated to give money to cousins who are having difficulty paying for college or bills,etc.Mom usually repeats over and over how cousin x, cousin y is worried they won't be able to pay tuition for next quarter,semester,etc..Went so far as sending letter to us for donations for 'tribal education fundraiser' (literally 98% of those who would get the funds were his extended family)- & told him to 'give generously this is your family'.Husband gave close to 1,000$- we didn't have steady income at the time, didn't know if he would have a job in the next couple of months. We also have a 2 y.o. who doesn't have a college fund yet.These cousins are at poverty level,we aren't,but we aren't financially well off either.IMO, if she is concerned,SHE should be giving them money...she and FIL retired before 60,they aren't rich, but comfortable.Is it reasonable for MIL to expect us to give money to family for this & other things?

It's not your or your husband's responsibility to pay for anyone else, especially if you don't always have the means to do so. I mean, I'm sure the two of you want to be able to help and hopefully your mother-in-law knows this. Even worse, he is the only child so all of the pressure is on him. Do the cousins have other family members they can borrow from? You two should talk about addressing your mother-in-law with these issues. Let her know that you want to be able to help, but your current financial standing causes you to compromise in regards to your own family needs. He has no obligation to give them money, but he has helped in the past and everyone should see that and stop counting on him for stability.

The only people you should help (in case you are not a millionaire) would be your parents, your kids and MAYBE your brothers and sisters.
Your family (you, him and your son) comes first, he should think about that.

No people should give within there means. Family is important but not if it sacrifices your own well being and the well being of your child. It would be nice to be wealthy where one could give to whoever but that is not your case. When you have children they come first.

Yes, mother in law should put her money where her mouth is. Your husband has to be the one to tell her. When she mentions someone is in need for money, your husband should say so we are without giving her any details. Also, he should ask her how much has she donated to the cause?

Why aren't these cousins working, getting financial aid or loans? They need to put more effort into their own education. At some point, they should be able to do some type of intern (doesn't pay much but it pays something).

This is hard. On one hand, mom might completely ostracize you two from the family if you don't donate. However, your husband shouldn't be obligated to give money to his cousins.

I'm a university student, and life sucks. But all students are in the same boat. Few students can afford to live the high life. Many of my friends and I don't have money for regular meals. When I'm grocery shopping, I'll go out of my way to buy certain products from different stores if I know they'll be cheaper. I wouldn't beg for handouts from family members.

Are you going to be demanding a percentage of their salaries once they get out of school? You and your husband have worked hard to get where you are. In a couple years your husbands cousins will be in a better place financially, but until then, they should suck it up.

Why would you give donations to them?! If they want money, they can learn about LOANS! It's what the rest of the world does when mom and dad can't pay for things. The government has loans available to students. Banks offer line of credit for students. There are endless resources. Sure, loans aren't fun because when you finally do graduate everyone comes back asking for your loan payments to start. But that's life.

I would just say that you cannot help them as you've started an investment program for your child.

It is completely unreasonable for his mom to EXPECT you guys to give the cousins money. I know it's a delicate situation but you have to voice your concerns to your husband. What happens if he loans that money out and something happens to you guys? Car breaks down, he losses his job, etc. You never know! You guys have to protect your child and your house. If the cousins can't afford college they should get a loan. It's not your responsibility. I wouldn't even mention his mom loaning the money, just say you can't, it's not a good time.

Child first, Wife second, Cousins.... last, always.

Good Luck!

Sounds like your husband may be American Indian? They tend to see things differently than European Americans. I certainly would encourage husband to give, but only x amount per year-- say, $50 to each cousin in college at Christmas time or something. That is WAY generous, as far as I'm concerned. But if he insists on more, don't argue. It will only harm the marriage and he will still give, and eventually people will find out that you complained, so you will look like the bad guy.

Also, insist on putting away a certain amount per month for YOUR childrens' education before giving to cousins. I learned the hard way that kids grow up QUICK and paying for college is expensive, even when they go somewhere less expensive. If your kids grow up and you haven't saved anything, it will be a big shock to all of a sudden have to come up with the money at the last minute.

My husband came from a poor family and put himself through college on his own... not one penny from family or friends. It was hard, yes, but it is possible. Work and loans. Same with my sister. She worked hecka-hard, but she did it. If your cousins fail, it won't be because your husband didn't help.

sorry for you.
you and mamma 'husband' need marriage counseling tomorrow then tuesday financial counseling.
his FIRST duty is to your family and it stops at the door.

get counseling or divorce lawyer .
u can drown or help cousins. simple?