New baby on the way and no money?

I'm 35 years old, got married last year, and am now five months pregnant. Both my husband and I have jobs (him - maintenance; me - admin for investment firm) and make a combined income of $70k. We rent a duplex for $850/month and some years ago (before I thought I would ever get married and have kids) decided to default on my student loans. Well, they're back with a vengence and I'm in repayment. We went to pre-marriage counseling who advised us to set aside a lump sum every month for each us to spend at will with no accountability. We go out to dinner about 3-5x a week and, in general, have a very busy social calendar. I also have a mani/pedi every week. These are the realities of our life. I like nice things and being pampered. However, we hardly have $1000 in our savings. We do have some put away in my work's 401k but that's it. I'm not worried about the $$ but my husband is. He wants to buy a house someday. Any advice for the reluctant?

I will have to continue working. We need the money. To be honest, I like picking up the bill for people and showing my generosity. I like buying people gifts. I truly feel that people who nitpick about money are cheapskates. My husband makes about $10k less than I do so it would be impossible to just live off his salary. We will need to put the kid in daycare as well.

of course when the bad guys rob a bank in hollywood movies and say they have no money they are talking about relative povery and also relative to other countries.of course your husband is correct to insist on buying a house and feathering the nest with baby on the way.i am not even going to waste time on reprimanding someone with your obvious training and intelligence for asking a question to which you quite clearly know the answer and at some level in your mind you are making some sort of point which may well be that you despair at your lack of self control
the really interesting aspect of your letter is we all have fallen for the advertisers' message of self indulgence;our moral fibre has disappeared after years of a lifestyle where everything is possible.but make no mistake it is not only in the next life that we will pay for our weakness
the other point is that overspending is just a bad habit;the amount of your money that is dribbling in little bits of careless impulse spending will be far more than you suspect;in particular in the matter of food you can reduce your spending by at least a third and improve your health though admittedly i would never have done it except that i would have wound up blind
your letter proves that your conscience is not dead but dormant and that you wefre asking us to kick you up the backside.consider yourself so admonished though i despair that if a character like you is only vaguely aware of your motives what hope for the average joe in the street?

QUIT SPENDING on yourselves. It's not reasonable for you to be selfish anymore. Everyone likes the finer things but time to get priorities in order. Sorry to sound harsh but c'mon!

you should manage some time for entertainment with your femily?

It's amazing how much most peoples priorities change once the baby is born, suddenly going out to dinner 5 times a week and manicures don't seem as important as giving your child the best life possible.

sell your baby on ebaby oops I mean ebay.

Sounds to me like you need to put your baby ahead of yourself and realize that from now on, you and your husband will always come second to this baby. When you made the choice to get pregnant and have the baby, you made the choice (knowingly or not) to cut back on your busy social life and possibly forego the weekly mani/pedis because you will need to spend the time and money on the baby. I think you need to start worrying about saving money and how you are going to take care of the baby and if you are so reluctant to give up the life you currently lead then give the baby up for adoption...seems like the only fair thing to do if mani/pedis and a busy social calendar are more important than saving to care for the baby.

quit spending on yourselves. instead of going to dinner so many times a week why dont you cook something instead or order pizza. that has to be cheaper than going out. i dont understand why you need a mani/pedi once a week. every 2 weeks is more reasonable. u might have to start doing it yoursself. dont mess with the 401k!

If you both agree that your goal is to buy a house, then you will need to sacrifice some of the current expenditures and save more money. Limit going out to dinner to once a week and make sure your social calendar does not result in heavy spending.

I also suggest you buy some small things on credit and pay strictly on time to develop a good credit rating and be able to get a house loan at a good interest rate.

With a child on the way you and your husband need to cut back on frivolous spending and only buy what's necessary. I would start looking into childcare providers as it looks like you will have to go back to work in order to maintain your student loans and be able to live decently. Cut back on the excess and start getting a budget together. Money needs to be coming into the household and leaving as quickly as it has been.

Stop going out to eat. Eat at home and eat the left overs the next day
My husband and I have 3 kids we only have $100 in our savings. That is just enough to keep the bank from charging us for our savings account if I even take 1 cent out we will get charged $5. But we have a house and 2 vehicles.
You stop spending money you don't need to buy new clothes, DVDs, Cd's or anything else that you can live without every month.
If you don't need it don't buy it!!
My husband and I buy very little extra. He got a tattoo a couple months back then last month I got me a puppy for the amount his tattoo was and the kids got a water slide (this was the only unnecessary stuff we bought all year) we will not buy anything extra until well like maybe next year. For the rest of the year we will buy only what we need as well as our kids Birthday and Christmas.
This probably isn't the answer your looking for but if your husband is worried about money start saving extra so you will have a good down payment for a house in the future.

enjoy it while you can, princess..


why would you have a kid you can't afford?

I have another reality for your life... always being poor, because you think like a poor person..

your kid will have to borrow to go to school, and you're going to end up complaining about the size of your social security checks because you chose to live large instead of save for the future.

Yeah, I have some advice. Stop telling yourself that eating out 3-5 times a week, getting a weekly manicure/pedicure, buying "nice things," and "pampering yourself" are "the realities of your life." The truth is you have a child on the way and you can and should control yourself. The fact that you defaulted on your student loans is further proof that you are financially immature. Learn how to control your spending, and do it NOW. You are not entitled to the things you seem to feel you deserve. Sorry for the tone of this, but the reasoning that your spending is part of who you are and cannot be changed is just pathetic.

You have lots of money you are just not chosing to save it and spend spend spend.

The next four months are where you need to start saving. Will you continue working after the baby is born? Try living on hubby salary for awhile.

Do a budget as well.

First off eat home !!!! Quit buying gifts for the world also . You need to think about your family first and you need to think about your future and your childs future . Get a pedi/manicure every other week instead of every week . Also maybe keep those legs closed also cause with what you stated - another child would put you in bankruptcy. You have long lives and you need some help in budgeting . There is alot of free places oout there that will counsel you .

Take gourmet cooking classes together and cook together at home instead of going out.
Cut your manicure/pedicure to once every two weeks - actually the pedi could wait a month between.
And yes, it is a great feeling to be generous, but we don't always need to be generous with $$, it can also be time, a gourmet meal cooked at their house, that sort of thing.
I would suggest going back to the councellor now that you are married and pregnant and re-look at your financial lives with them.
You are doing well and seem to be on the right track, don't you think? Just some refinement needed.
Thank you for the question.

No... you don't want any advice... really.

Consider though... if either of you lost your job... wouldn't you be out on the street in a matter of a couple months???
--------------------------------------...
After tax you are probably keeping about $4500/month, about $1,250 of that is probably going to rent + utilities + cable + phone + misc...
I'm guessing you also have 2 cars...maybe another $1,200 - $2,000/month (?) is going towards both car expenses (you like "nice things" so I figure NICE car(s) and insurance on them?)

You go out to dinner 3-5 times a week... probably 5+ is real (including take-home orders especially)... just hedging on the frequency "out of guilt"... and let's figuire a 'conservative' $50 a pop, minimum... that's AT LEAST another $1,000 (again, minimum).

The weekly manicure/pedicure... uses up the remaining few - several hundred dollars left... especially since we haven't discussed "fuel costs", medical costs, Dry Cleaning(??), etc.

So... Yeah, I see you having NO MONEY.

But I figure you have, previously, had NO INTENTION TO CHANGE !!! The people I have met in the past, like yourself (& hubbie?)... you are more concerned with indulging yourself in the present, figure you'll deal with the bad stuff "if it ever happens", live off credit cards maybe?, and deal with "planning for the future"... sometime in the future... right?

IF you are ready to change... AMAZING what a BABY can do...!!!... you MUST change your lifestyle #1. No negotiation on that !!!

First thing. Buy "term" life insurance on both you and your husband...individually!!! ... use your $1,000 (might be more! but do it!!!) to hire an attorney who "only does wills & trusts" to create a "spend-thrift trust" (yes, actual name) and have the proceeds of the insurance pay into that trust. So YOU don't spend it ALL if your husband dies first....and vice versa with the hubbie!!!

This is to "protect your child" from you spending yourselves into poverty (or "just close to it") and have something happen to either/both of you and leave a "destitute" child with someone (child services= orphan or family?)...and not have any $ to pay for the child's most basic living costs... let alone a financial incentive to take "good" care of him/her.

Get rid of the "stupid" lump sum...bad term... to spend "without accountability"...why get married if you're not going to be accountable to each other. If you want to continue to act like your single...should have stayed single. "Get married... Get committed to being married...Get committed to working on EVERYTHING together!!!
Communication, even arguing over issues, are how you work things out...but talk to each other with the premise of "I love you and we need to work out something here and the fact that we disagree on something doesn't mean we get divorced... what are ya' 5 yrs old... take my toys and go home?" <okay enough marriage counseling>

No more Lump Sum to "spend without accountablity"... be committed to Joint goals and objectives.... BUDGET a "small amount" of money to spend for "fun stuff"... but BUDGET it. If you'd already saved some money... either of you...I wouldn't use the "bad word=budget". But you have to do that until you actually have a "nest egg"!!! Then you can be a bit more liberal with your paycheck-paycheck money!!!

**Stuff like this** I'm just tired of typing...."Get help?!?!?!?"

Ya know the rich didn't get rich by being nice and social. They are cold hearted and take care of number one. Every one els is on their own.

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