Being a rich, powerful man's mistress is a career killer?

am starting my career in investment banking after I was done being a teacher. A top guy in the firm had his eyes on me. He is married with kids. Other people started to talk me into being his mistress. Some told me not to, as I would be scarred for life by being a mistress. I don't believe this. Why my career would be over and nobody would hire me just because I went out with some powerful and well connected man in the industry?

1. Where will you work and where will you get a good reference after the affair ends? Don't fool yourself into thinking that the "secret" will not stay within the company. Count on the fact that your future prospects will find out.

2. Being a mistress is not easy, glamorous or fun. You have to sneak around, you will ALWAYS be a second class citizen behind his wife and kids, and he will never (or nearly never) get to spend ANY holiday, birthday or weekend with you. AND you will REGRET it and hate yourself and him.

In short being a mistress is lonely and depressing and no matter what he says, or tells you, or how intense your feelings are, or if he leaves his wife and kids, he will someday do the same thing to you, that you are doing to his wife.

If you want to be truly successful in business as a woman, you cannot EVER fall back on the easy route of getting ahead by lying down. It WILL screw your future.

I have a good example of a situation a Corporate Controller with a MBA from Wharton and what can happen when the affair turns bad. Email me if you care to hear the story.

Finally, as long as you flirt, but keep your dignity, this guy could be the best reference you will have for your entire working career (and don't discount a great reference, once you get to a certain level if you don't have someone to actually vouch for you, you won't get the best jobs). I should know, most of my references are from former bosses, nearly all who made it clear they would love to take it too another level. I took the high road, they still respect me, and their references have gotten me many great jobs.

it's a career.you choose what is important to you and how beneficial a short term stay with him is, and he better be generous or it's not worth it. Report It

Here's my opinion. I won't get into any morality debate, that's not what you are asking nor what you want to see.

I think any time you date someone at your place of work you are making a mistake. When things go wrong (as they often do) the workplace is going to become extremely uncomfortable.

Second, when you date a superior you are opening a whole other can of worms. He can rate your performance, influence others in the firm not to promote you, and if you were the one who broke it off he might give you poor references to others in the industry. He's most likely in trade and industry groups. So when you go to apply for another job someone in the new firm might know him and call for his "off the record" reference of you. It could be scathing just based on what might have happened in your personal life.

My opinion - break it off. Just because it's a workplace romance. Like I said I'm not going to get into the whole mistress thing, that belongs in another forum. Here it's about your career. And I think if you don't break it off you run the risk of doing damage to your career. If this guy is powerful and connected he could make it very difficult for you to work anywhere in your city in your industry.

Just think about it carefully. What is most important to you? The relationship or your career? If it's your career end the romance today.

It isnt because you went out with him, but rather that you were

1) of questionable moral fiber (knowingly was involved with a married person from your work environment)

2) The fear of what could happen AFTER your relationship ended, since these rarely result in amicable separations, one or the other normally leaves the company
This is why most companies have rules against fraternization, married or single

3) You seem like a intelligent person, why would you want to cheapen yourself by getting involved with a married man? What are the benefits to you from this relationship? if its just the physical companionship, couldn't you go to a local bar and meet someone? Are you looking for a long term relationship?

I must admit I agree with everything all the others who have answered this question have said, he is the top guy in the business and his position is secure, yours certainly is not.
The problem comes from the other employees in the business who will see you as a person who could get ahead of them not by your work efforts, but by your efforts in bed. Sorry you may not think that that is where this might go, but others will believe it even if it is not true.
Also from my limited knowledge of Investment Banking, rumours can fly round amazingly quickly and everybody loves a bit of gossip, with modern communications, email in particular you are likely to get something like this "Hey have you heard so and so is sleeping with our boss such and such". That is what will kill your reputation.
Now I see you were a teacher and are now in investment banking, I would love to show you a business opportunity where you could sail far above your top guy's income level, I suggest this as I know with your background you have everything that would be required for success.
Finally just to put your mind at rest I am over 61 and happily married and not repeat not looking for a mistress.
Get back to me by email if you would like more information.